Revelation

Today while surfing facebook for some stuff, a very strong revelation struck me that it hurt me very much. I came to realize why had my dad acted in such a manner. Imagine you life you life for the past 20 years no social life at all. Work and go home from Monday to Saturday. Weekend Go to supermarket for groceries.

It is very monotonous and just simply a chore, a responsibility life. I sorta see it reflected in my life. For so many years I just spend my free time at home as I hated my mum kept asking where I am going and stuff. Then she will be giving all sorts of comment if I am going out too frequent with my friends.

For my entire primary school day I did not when for any outing organized by my classmates. I go straight home after school. Can only leave home like just enough time to go to school. For secondary school days, not once went out with my sec 1 and 2 classmates. The time I wanted to go ended up in disappointment as my mum wanted me to go somewhere else instead. Even till later part of school life it is quite the same. The only change is that once a while did manage to meet up with friends. Even till JC's days it is still quite monotonous during my weekend. All I do is just stay at home and follow my parents if they are going anywhere.

Really tired of living a life so monotonous, no color at all. Maybe that is what made me to the extend of emotionally shut down. I felt no love in my family, everything I live for is just for is responsibility. Nothing of it is truly my life, no excitement, no desire, NOTHING at all.

~A 20 yrs old living a 50 yrs old life...~