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Saturday, September 27, 2008

Trust

I have been realising that I am lacking of trust... Sometimes when I wanna to believe things my own mind is struggling by itself. Things just get messy in there. I just cannot trust thing so easily. There is always an element of doubt. I really want to get rid of it, the doubt. I will automatically start doubting others intention unwillingly. Is like I wanna trust that person but then the thought of doubt will just come up and and really wanna of get rid of the thought... Sometime I dun even trust my mum... I dunno why is this happening to me, I wanna to trust ppl so much yet I just dunno how to trust them. I just see things too into details that imaginations just fly... rar irritating...

~I am really tired of doubting~

{5:49 PM}
~Guardian Angel~


Sunday, September 14, 2008

Integrity

Yesterday during CGM Elaine was talking abt prospering through integrity. Integrity a word that many of us know. I often believe in doing things according to our integrity. I feel that no point cheating so that you achieve something. You cannot lift up your head and say it out loud that you achieve it. Even you do it, deep down your heart you know you got it through cheating.

Sometimes it is really hard to stay strong in our faith. Sometime I wonder is it worth standing firm with your moral values, my belief. Sometime I do feel unfair, like people cheating hence getting better results than me. They could even be proud that they cheat well. Although I am proud that I do not cheat but sometimes u just ponder everyone ard you is cheating, why bother. Why taking the hard way, if there is an easy way in front of you.

I do have that struggle at times, I am glad that what Elaine said did answer my doubt on standing with my faith. We are doing it for God. We stand strong in what we believe. Why comprimise our character for a temporary thing, may it be joy, wealth, pride... Things that does not truly represent us. It is our character that make us who we are. Yet we often forgot what is important. Wealth seems to represent our influence, ability yet it is something that can come and go. People who judge you through your wealth are ones who are superficial. You can win friends through that but a good character can win you true friends.

I believe those who stand firm on their belief were often being said as dumb and stubborn. Yet it is the stubborness to do the right thing that makes them stand out. Make them unique. So many of us often end up to be part of the flow of people. If you cannot even stand firm on our belief, how do we changes others. The right way is never easy, if not there will not be the wrong way.

~To change others or be change, make the right choice~

{6:58 PM}
~Guardian Angel~


Sunday, September 7, 2008

Wanna 2 change

For a moment in life, I was really lost. Things just get meaningless :(. I starting to doubt what am I doing. Trying to stay strong yet being defeated all the time. Just losing control while trying to gain back control. To fight the human nature. To learn to give. To be more like Jesus. Things just go haywire. Over and over again I try to stand up believing that every fall will make me stronger when I make a come back. Has it?? I still wonder... I trying to correct my ways and my faith. Trying to go back to the right patch.

I realise that it is impossible to totally change myself for the time being. It requires a constant effort to bring myself to stay on track. I felt that was control, not change. I wanna grow in faith, yet it seems that I struggle to stay in faith. I keep trying to bring myself back to be Christ oriented, my focus yet kept changing. Thoughts just comes in and pull myself away from what I am suppose to be doing.

I really hate myself at times. I admit that I am an idealistic person. I believe in lots of things and totally hate it when things differs from what I think it should be. It just ends up having myself unable to forgive myself of wrong I committed. Is it that is why I still cannot totally change?? Or is it just I am mentally weak??

~I really wanna to change...~

{7:21 PM}
~Guardian Angel~


My Astrology

Sun Sign: Capricorn
Sun 29° Capricorn 19'
Capricorn Horoscope
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Moon Sign: Cancer
Moon 0° Cancer 00'
Cancer Horoscope
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Rising Sign: Cancer
Ascendant 12° Cancer 07'
Cancer Horoscope
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