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Sunday, January 31, 2010
Burning Out Fast/ Confused Mind

Today I went to Expo service. Kinda guilty cos I could not focus on the word... haiz. I kept drifting in and out of dreamland and it is very frustrating. My brain could not be stimulated to work. Went with Is for service... at least this time round I do not need to attend the svc by myself. While waiting I sat down on the chair and close my eyes... I am somewhat unsure of whether if I am conscious or not... maybe fatigue finally sets in after weeks of lack in of rest... use to be able to tahan much more than one or two days of w/o rest.

On fri, met up with Ve to see if I could help out with her com hmm conclusion nope. Just nice YJ & QH are at JP too so they came and find us and help to see what is going on. Hmm lets hope this com can be rescued. Hmm Ve asked me some questions abt Is... seriously I felt err kinda feeling... cos it is like the way she present her point to me is kinda hurting haiz... I still have pride after all... still have this delusional kinda thing... But she also once again remind me of what I want... So is like hmm okies I just learn from it haha... but I agree with some of the stuff she said... and I truly felt that I can not give anyone true happiness... at least for now. I know how to CARE yet I do not know how to LOVE. What an irony for me. Everyone have their own view about us but we are the one who affect ourselves. Others words can come as a reminder/advice but it is our view of our life that shapes us. I am constantly putting myself in a cross-road situation constantly making choice and looking for the right way. I have a struggle with my conscious and subconscious mind, really hope they can come in unison.

Few days back had a struggle in my heart once again... I wonder if you are put in a situation that you are to confront somebody that have done something wrong, yet in you heart you did not forgive that person past wrongdoing will you convict him or you will let the matter rest? Cos I felt that yes I am doing the right thing to want to punish the person who have done wrong yet in my heart I wish to see him getting punished. So I am going to do the right thing with the wrong motive. It is a struggle in heart. God thought us to forgive no matter is it 7 times or 7 times 77... Haiz sometime I dun feel good to see people get away from punishment after what wrong they have done... people tells me why bother so much you going to ORD no point doing so much it is not going to affect you anymore y make your life so miserable... Yet sometime I wonder I trying to get them punish cos I hope that they will change by learning from the punishment or I just want to see them get punished. The line that separates this is very fine and often I cannot know what side am I at...

Finally my directions after I leave army... Dream lost what I hope to do have been broken maybe I do still hesitate abt of going for this thing. So I fall back on what is logical... get a job and slog my life once again... at least now I can do more things for my God and CG. Ultimately I need to seek God more... Somewhat I worry that I will not be able to strike a balance in my life. Life is able juggling different ball at one time. If we focus too much on one the rest will drop from our hand. Some choose not to juggle the ball that you know you will not be able to focus on, some choose to pick it up everytime you drops that ball... My life, my choice of what I want to juggle in my life... I need to plan out my time table for this period after my ORD... I need more determination...

~Guide me O Lord~

{6:54 PM}
~Guardian Angel~

My Astrology

Sun Sign: Capricorn
Sun 29° Capricorn 19' 		Capricorn Horoscope
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Moon Sign: Cancer
Moon 0° Cancer 00' 		Cancer Horoscope
for today »
Rising Sign: Cancer
Ascendant 12° Cancer 07' 		Cancer Horoscope
for today »