TirRED

Christmas Eve... shouldn't it be a festive of joy?? Yet I am totally wiped out mentally and physically... No joy no peace nothing...

In camp I have to handle one platoon size of men and many of them with amazing ability of giving us problems... man handling is never an easy job but it sometime is killing me... if not for amazing God grace I wonder where will I be?? ... it really gives to a incredible amount of work load and stress... No Joke... Just finish a 30 hrs of training... no sleep what I get is not a good rest back in camp or anything... what I get is just many problematic ppl back in camp waiting to be settled by me where they spend the times in camp thinking of how to counter me and my words... while I am hmm sleep walking on the road and conducting tests...

After settling the man next up they book out I settle my fellow commanders duty hmm okay after that my turn too book out very sorry to kept my parents for waiting... I drag my timing at least twice trying to settle the duty problem... and wow next up my man called up to argue abt him having to stay back today... thank God that my phone died of low batt. Grab that short time to rest before I reach home... 930 had dinner bathe pray sleep... that all I did...

Home is never exactly a place for me to rest either. In fact it is just another war zone back here... Crisis back there that I dunno how to help it just shut me down further more... I really hate myself for being unable to do anything to protect this family... U know it is tearing apart... Just matter of time...

The feeling is like u is just a tool to both side of the members of war directly or indirectly... if that is the case what is the point of my existence down here...

Wasted time to explain to the man that argue w me yesterday... being cursed by him while trying to defend the standard for the company hmm isn't my job crappy... haiz

Sometime really very very tired... about my life... My time does not seem to belong to me anymore...

Sacrifices are being made, but are they worth it?

This season of moulding is not easy...

Sorry if I seems very turn off these few days... I do need to recover... I am still human after all...

~Father O Lord, mould me~